body and sex shame free woman
sexual confidence coach

Body and sexual shame

Body and sexual shame are very closely related, they come together and perceive one another. What I have noticed is that both are coming from the outside and not within. Can you remember how your shame started to live within you? I will tell you my story.

Shame in young age

Now, when I am looking at the pictures of me as a baby, I am seeing something interesting, I was a free naked baby. And, I also remember how till the age of six my parents let me be naked on the seaside.

I don’t actually remember the feeling of shame within me before my parents have built it. Here, I am speaking about both types of shame, body and sexual shame, as I can’t divide them.

While I was going to the kindergarten, I remember myself and my peers being very curious about our different body parts and exploring them without the feeling of guilt or shame. We were often playing ‘mommies and daddies’, we were chasing mating flies all over the place and even playing with our friends the game of kissing and cuddling.

One day I have taken my neighbour friend to my place so that we can play. I, him and my sister have found one secret place so that we can play mommies and daddies, haha. Everything was flawless, passionate, interesting, and innocent.

The flow of energies was splendid until my grandmother came in, interrupting us. She didn’t only interrupt us, but she laid the foundation of shame within us with her yelling and cursing on us like we are the heaviest sinners of all.

To be even worse, I was waiting for my ‘trial’ when the father comes home. Oh, my God, I can’t remember bigger shame than what I felt then when I had to make a confession in front of my father for my sins. Now, all this is very funny, and I tell this story to people are laughing out loud, but at that time it wasn’t funny at all.

Ok, I have survived this and somehow I have forgotten about the shame. It was all fine until one more innocent game occurred. My sister and I were playing in the garden with roses, placing the rose petals on our nipples while laughing and jiggling. And then like thunder from the clear sky our grandfather appeared with the words: “What are you doing, shame on you, go into the house!”, this event has returned and cemented the shame into my being.

Shame built at school time

 Later, we were having the classes of religious education in school. Some parts were heavily engraved in my memory, just like the part when Adam and Eve realise they are naked after they eat the forbidden fruit. This part said, how they felt ashamed, so they covered some of their body parts with the leaves.

I remember the pieces where the woman was always some sort of man’s property, how you should remain virgin till the marriage and how self-pleasuring was considered as a sin. I have to address that I am not against the religion, but somehow I can’t find my truth there, as there are many parts of it put women below the man.

As I read how the divorce is only for the man who has a cheating wife, no words for a cheating man, as well how women are impure when they are on period. For now, I will leave this topic for some other post, let’s get back on the body and sexual shame. The building of a shame tower continued to grow during these classes of religious education.

Shame built during puberty

Than the puberty kicked in, hormones, changes, and emotions. During this sensitive period, no one in my surrounding helped me with the acceptance of my body, and that was the time when I have developed much of body shame.

If you ask yourself how the answer is in a non-supportive environment and bombing media. All over the place, I was seeing perfect body images in magazines, commercials, film industry and so on. This made me feel like my body is not good enough and that I have to fit-in in some perfect body image. I was writing about this cause of body shame in my article ‘Body love and society’.

Yeah, in this period I have developed a habit to only notice my disadvantages and to dislike every body part that wasn’t as seen in the media. Even worse, my shame about being sexual started in this period as well.

For sure you too have been hearing things like: “Good girls don’t do it, you are a slut if you are expressing your sexuality, you will seem cheap if you do that, if you sleep with more than x number of boys you are a whore, etc.” In my area, self-pleasuring was seen as bad as having sex, and of course, talking about sex was only for the immoral girls.

We had some sexual education through high school, but only on diseases and pregnancy. No one ever taught us about what sexual energy is for real, how to take care of it or how sacred it is, more on this you can find in my article ‘Sexual energy’.

All this made me keep my self-pleasuring practice as a government’s Top Secret, and avoiding sex as the devil avoids the cross.

Built sexual shame

As my hormones were going wild, and my body couldn’t bear so much accumulated sexual energy, I have tried the forbidden fruit called sex. Thanks to the Universe, my first experience was satisfying and haven’t left me with negative emotions, but still, there was a huge amount of shame for just doing it before marriage, and doing it with a guy who wasn’t my boyfriend.

As you see, where ever you turn your head and look around there is only guilt and shame, and if you think this is all, you are very wrong. Let’s add more shame, haha, the shame around specific desires. In my surroundings, whoever had any type of sexual fantasies, was imagining sex different from ‘normal’, or having some sort of fetishes was considered sick and mad. I won’t even mention the way they looked at the gay population.

Who put shame on us?

Now, you can see how society, religion, media and your family are the creators of shame. I am sure when you compare this story to yours that you can find many touch points and similarities. Through all this, I learned that I wasn’t born with a feeling of shame around my naked body,  or around my sexuality as I remember how good it felt when I was a little girl playing with my neighbourhood friends.

How I coped with shame?

How I coped and released all of my shame around being a sexual being with the normal body and sexual fantasies, you can read in my next article ‘Overcoming Shame – My journey’. The way how I let go of shame described in that article isn’t for everyone, so I have developed a program which can be applied to every woman’s life.

The program, in which you will let go of all the chains who are suppressing you from being a free, loveable and glowing sexual being. If you resonate with my energy and can’t find the proper solutions for your shame and guilt around being a sexual being, feel free to book a discovery call with me. I am a woman who has decided to dedicate her life for helping this world embrace their sacred sexual energy and to use it in healthy and creative ways. Love you all.