Overcoming shame for me was a very interesting journey.
In my previous post, I was writing about body shame and how it was created within us, as we are not born with it. As you saw in that post, the main reasons why we have developed shame
In this post, I will tell you my life story and my journey in overcoming body and sexual shame. If you have been reading my previous posts, you can already connect the dots. My journey in overcoming shame went over the dancing in the clubs and nude beaches. But, how I got myself through all this?
When I have finished high school, I have moved to another city to study, my family were sending me the money, but for a girl who wants to experience more than just studying that amount wasn’t enough. So, I got an idea to find some other source of money, and I have started working as a hostess girl in nightclubs.
There I have met one dancer, who has recognised the potential in me and advised me to try Go-Go dancing, as it would bring me more money. I have to mention that in my living area, hostess girls, dancers, and even waitresses are considered as ‘whores’ and easy girls, and good girls don’t even stay in clubs after midnight.
All these beliefs made me think a lot should I even try to dance in the club, but after a while, I have decided to only work one night as a dancer out of fear that my family could find out that I am doing it.
I got home, found one jeans shorts and a black top, as well as net socks (to hide my cellulite), I dressed up in such a way to hide all of my disadvantages. At that time, I had a lot of shame about my body image, especially my small breasts, so I saw only disadvantages instead of seeing a beauty that I possess.
The night when I tried Go-Go dancing changed my life. I had to break the ice of shame that night, to try doing a work that is slut-shamed and to be half naked in front of people. That night I also got many tips from people, and when I got home, I have realised that I made a lot of money with my dancing.
This event made me start loving my body more than before. I could heat up the whole club, and lead on people to dance, so I have stayed in the business. By doing this, I have realized how dancers are not sluts or whores, they are just women who don’t give a fu*k about slut-shaming, and they are not stressed in showing their body.
Working as a Go-Go dancer definitely has improved my opinion on my body image, and has removed some amount of shame, but not all of it. You know, here I could wear costumes without cleavage while wearing two bras, hahaha yes, two bras, just to hide my small breasts. Also, I could wear things in such a way to feel better.
The road of removing shame and building positive body image about myself as well accepting my body for what it is had many ups and downs. For most of the time, I was working alone, hiding my disadvantages and relying on my energy, and atmosphere I was creating.
It was good, my confidence and body-love were increasing, and then my manager put one more girl to work with me, and she has had much plastic work done. I saw that people were reacting on her appearance more positive than on mine, not realising how all this is conditioned because of media and their perfect body image standard.
And, because my awareness at that time wasn’t so developed, this event made my built self-confidence and body-love to crush again. I was then complaining about how my body is not good and how I need to go to plastic surgeries. What has helped me to cope with all this, is my energy and dancing, realising how the girls who are good by the appearance do not dance or put some effort in performance, but rather just pose.
After a while, my confidence was back, and I could work normally. I was in my comfort zone for a while, and then some greater force came into my life, setting up the new challenges. One girl has offered me to try working in a Gentleman Club, where you make company to guests, dance on the pole and do the topless.
Oh my God, this was the biggest challenge for me and my small breasts, to go naked after I used to wear two bras under the cleavage-less top as a Go-Go dancer. Besides this issue, I had one more, and that is removing one more layer of unconsciousness. I had the belief how all the topless dancers and strippers have suspicious moral.
At that time, I slut-shamed them. What is very well seen here, is how we have layers in consciousness, and when you get comfortable with one layer you have to strip it off and open yourself to the new one. Just like when I have accepted Go-Go dancers and being half naked, the Universe sent harder task, to be topless and to accept the women of whom I thought negatively.
When she explained to me that I could make much more money than with Go-Go dancing, and at that time I also figured out how the University of Economy is not for me, so I decided to give it a try.
The first time when I had to take my bra off in front of people, made me almost sick, as I suspected that everybody will laugh or make some jokes about my very small breasts. Nothing of this happened. Working as a topless dancer, surrounded by different types of girls was
I was developing my confidence by seeing how actually my energy was attracting people and not my appearance in the first place. But as my mindset wasn’t very well set up, I’ve been losing myself several times and ending up on plastic surgery web pages, searching for a doctor.
Thankfully, the inner feeling never let me in these Ego trip times to actually do something drastic to myself. I was reading much about spirituality, inner work, mind, ego and so on, and this helped me a lot to overcome these mindset issues. I have got an insight into how we are not the body, but the body is our vessel for our soul.
We are much more than just a body, and we are here to learn essential soul lessons, through pleasure and pain. Of a great help were Yoga teachers and reading ancient wisdom about energy and body.
Trough Yoga teachers I have learned how our body is full of energetic centres like chakras, meridians, spots, paths and how to feel your energy flow through the body, as well to know when your energy is stuck and how to make it flow again. I have learned that woman’s breasts are one of the most important energetic centres in woman’s body and that any plastic surgery could actually harm energetic paths and disrupt breast energy.
Tantra has shown me the power of alchemy, and how we can transform negative energy into positive, so I have started to transform my thoughts. Now, I even see how these thoughts weren’t actually mine but were shaped by my surrounding, family, society, and religion.
All these inner work ‘supplements’ mixed with dancing, made me to truly progress and start loving my body and to affirm it for what it is. When I learned to awaken my sexual energy and when expressed it through dancing, I understood the magic of that energy.
What actually attract the people is how much you know to enjoy your body, how much you love your body and how much you can feel every sensation running through your whole being. When you learn to feel yourself, people can feel you, and how you’re feeling.
As soon as you finish one stage of inner progress another layer shows up, so for me, it came to a lesson of accepting my body to the fullest and letting go of body shame. I ended up on Ada Bojana in Montenegro and have tried nudism for the first time. How was my first nudist experience you can read about it here.
Nudism and a visiting couple of nudist beaches in my area really changed my perspective around many matters. Through these occasions I have really learned that there is no shame in being naked in front of other people, and how every human body is unique and beautiful in its own way.
I have learned not to sexualise every naked body, and to really interact with the souls of other present people. When you are talking to someone on the nude beach, you really look people into the eyes, you feel everything beyond the body, and you get rid of all the shame.
You feel loved, appreciated, accepted and honourable by other people, you really comprehend your beauty and value through interactions with other conscious naked people.
As you see, the universe and occasions in my life have helped me to get rid of body shame, and now you must be asking yourself how I coped with shame about being sexual. In my previous blog post, you could see how I suppressed my sexual energy due to moral rules and shaming in my society.
Well, my first sexual experience was good thanks to the Universe, I loved it from the first time. I had some shame about this, like feeling ashamed for doing it before marriage, shame about my specific desires and so on. I really never had a problem during the act itself, I knew to ask what I want, I knew to stop what I disliked and so on. The problem for me was to talk openly about sexual experiences, I had some shame about it. How the time was passing, my shame was melting with thoughts like why to be ashamed of something that provides you so good feeling, or why to be ashamed of something so divine, Tantra has helped me here so much.
My journey in overcoming shame was led by Divine force. I had to learn it in a hard way, in order to find out what is my soul purpose. And I feel that my soul purpose is to free as many women as I can from all kinds of shame and to teach them self-love during my lifetime.
After removing all kinds of shame, the key is in self-love. Without proper self-love, you can lose yourself in toxic relationships no matter that you accept your body and have no shame about sex.
Maybe it sounds like all this is very complicated and even impossible work, maybe you think that for this process you would need a lifetime, but the truth is the opposite.
When you apply all the right techniques and reset your mindset, you will become shameless blooming rose full of self-love. Being a dancer in a club requires much effort both physical and psychical, and I don’t recommend it to anybody.
Being aware of all this, I have created a program which is safe and strong. So, you will not be exposed to a dangerous environment, and you will not need a lifetime or years to overcome shame and self-love issues.
If you feel, that you and I would be a good match, feel free to book a discovery call with me. Let yourself be a Goddess aware of her powers, wild woman connected to nature, a mystic connected to her intuition and sacred sex muse. I am here to help you.