Woman lying on her bed after experiencing painful sex

Painful sex is what every woman has experienced at least once in her life. It is not pleasant to experience it, and every painful sexual experience can lead to even higher resistance toward sex. Your libido may be affected, the more painful sex you undergo, the less desire for sex you will have. Therefore your relationship may be significantly affected and even come to an end. Another problem with painful sex is that you can start blaming and shaming yourself, thinking about how you are the only one or not ‘normal’. Eventually, this will lead to decreased self-love. There are different reasons why we experience painful sex, and now we will go through three major reasons why this happens.


1.Health issues

Healthy body equals good sex. Health problems are causing painful intercourse; if you are frequently or always experiencing the painful sex, then you should consider seeing a doctor. Following conditions may be the cause of painful intercourse:

Vaginal infections- Vaginal infections are common, especially yeast and bacterial infections. (I’ve experienced this, in the middle of sex my vagina became sour and painful. The next day I had a substantial white discharge what the first sign of yeast infection is. As soon as my partner and I have cured this, everything got back to normal. If you have a yeast infection, it is not a big deal, and is very easily solvable.)

Vaginismus- Vaginismus is the condition when vaginal muscles become tight and squeeze themselves. The reason for this can be the woman’s fear of being hurt and anxiety about having sex. It may also be that she doesn’t trust her partner fully. Women who have Vaginismus may also experience pain when inserting a tampon.

Problems with uterus, ovaries or cervix – Having any issues with the parts of your sexual organ can lead to painful sex.

Pregnancy- Having ectopic pregnancy or having sex after pregnancy may be the reason for experiencing pain during intercourse.

Vulvodynia- It is the medical condition when a woman experiences chronic pain in external parts, labia, clitoris and vaginal opening. For now, doctors don’t know what the cause is, and there is no known cure.

STI- Or sexually transmitted infections

Urinary tract infections


More health conditions may cause painful sex, and you should go to the doctor if you suspect to have any of the above mentioned.

2.Emotional & Psychological factors

Emotions, psychology and feelings play a significant role in sex. When you know that you are perfectly healthy, but you still experience painful sex than you should check it with how you feel on the inside.

The feeling of shame and guilt

If you subconsciously believe that sex is dirty, shameful, sinful or similar your being is then resisting it. You would love to have a beautiful sexual experience on a conscious level, but when everything starts to happen your subconscious mind kicks in and prevent you from being fully relaxed. If you know that you have limiting beliefs around sex, then you should work on rewriting them and forming the new more empowering ones. What happened to me once is that I had sex with a guy soon after the previous one. Like three days after the previous one. In the middle of sex, my mind started the chatter and bombarding me with the thoughts of shame. The story in my mind was: “I am whore, how can I do this, it is inappropriate to have two guys in less than seven days, this is not right!” As soon as my thoughts became so loud, I started experiencing pain, and eventually, I had to stop the intercourse.

The Self- Image

When you haven’t accepted your body image and fallen in love with it, it may prevent you from enjoying sex. This may cause pain, as you are in your head. When you are in your head, you pay less attention to your body, which prevents it from being relaxed, which leads toward pain. Working on your mindset and falling in love with yourself is the key to overcoming this issue. This is also one of the reasons why you lack confidence in bed. Click here to read for the rest of six reasons why you may be lacking confidence in bed.

PRO TIP: Whatever is going on in your head that is distracting you from fully being in the now and enjoying sex, you can quickly stop it. Open up and share it with your partner. When you “put it out” it can’t stay in your head. Men also love solving problems, so they will always tell you empowering statements and no reason to worry, as usually, our thoughts are irrational.


Being under stress causes your pelvic floor muscles to tighten up what will cause the pain to occur. If you have a stressful day, consider having a bubble bath, meditating or asking your partner to massage you before sex.

Stuck emotions

Every muscle in our body has it’s own memory and intelligence. When you experience emotional stress or have some traumatic experience, the energy will be stored in the muscle. This energy will appear as tension or knots in the muscles. The vagina is a muscle too, so ‘she’ also remembers and stores everything. So, if you had ever had a traumatic sexual experience, abuse or trauma in the past, or consented on sex when you meant no, your vagina has stored this energy in her tissue. As a result, you are experiencing pain now. What can help you to overcome this is to do the healing work, use Yoni egg, or to go for a Yoni or Tantric massage.


Not having enough foreplay is critical. The woman is like cold water, and the man is like a fire, he should be able to boil the water with his fire before he enters her. (If you are lesbian, then both of you should “boil” before doing anything). With long enough foreplay woman’s desire for sex will be so high, that she will want to rip him like a wild beast. She will be enough relaxed and lubricated. And she will have enough time to come down from her head into her body what is so essential for a woman. Even if she is having her mind games like thinking that sex is wrong, or that she is not beautiful enough, being touched for a sufficient amount of time she will forget about everything. If her partner is communicating with her and complimenting while playing with her, she will be so relaxed that she will have mind-blowing painless sex. Talking to a partner and demanding more foreplay is a must if you want to avoid painful sex.

Painful sex is something that no woman should ever experience in her life. Sex should be like heaven, pleasurable and enjoyable, leaving you with a big smile for hours afterwards. If you are experiencing painful sex than check-in with yourself to discover what is the leading cause for it. See your doctor, talk to your partner or work with yourself. If you assume that your reason may be limiting beliefs around sex, not loving your body or not knowing how to set up your rules in the bedroom so that you feel like a queen, you can always book a discovery call with me. I would be more than happy to help you become a self-love queen and multiorgasmic Goddess.